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Why was I wanting revenge? Well, that's the story.Sandy, my wife of ten years and the mother of my two children, decided that she wanted to go back to work after Ben (8) and Marie (6) started going to school full time. She got a job as a parts runner for a large nationally known auto parts store. Her job was to deliver parts from the store to auto repair places. She seemed to like the job and the people she worked with. I met some of them at her company Christmas party and they seemed like a nice enough bunch. The parts store was one block from a bar and one night a week, usually a Wednesday, Sandy would stop with her co-workers for a couple of drinks before heading home and on those nights I would take care of dinner and see to it the kids got to bed on time.A couple of years went by and then Sandy started talking about leaving the job and having another baby. I was not too keen on that idea. I loved the two we had to death, but I really did not want another one. I told her that I. What was I thinking! What do I wear? What do I say? Will he like me? Will I like him? No going back! Then I hear the yard gate and know its too late — he’s arrived! Using all my inner strength I open the door and plaster on a smile. Phew it’s ok, he is still the lovely sweet man who had been chatting to me on the phone trying to figure out my needs and wants. I make coffee and we talked for an hour, how I regretted that hour now. Next time I’ll have him spank as soon he steps in through the door, heck I’ll even open the door in the buff. Even now I can’t explain why I want to be punished, why I want to submit and have him standing over me. He tells me that sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts, about accepting it and being true to it, whatever the contradictions, because the pain of not being true is often the greater cost. Murmuring ‘whatever’, I wash the mugs summoning the last brave bone in my body, he senses my.
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